I drove to Riverton, Wyoming to receive a blessing. Not only was this blessing found in the knowledge shared but in a bracelet that was blessed in Tibet.
As I was told, bracelets like this carry the sacred union of bliss and emptiness, or one could say awareness and emptiness. His Eminence Chokling Jigmed Palden Rinpoche stayed in the home of a relative and blessings were shared, more importantly, they were received.
While on a journey of self rediscovery I’ve been doing quite a bit of self reflection. It’s been important to process in a healthy manner given that prior methods and coping mechanisms have not generally been healthy. In a larger picture, personally, after starting a doctoral program in 2009 and having shared this before, I must admit, life is so much more meaningful to me because of healthy choices.
In the processing, introspection has shown me that I have gone through significant changes and life altering directions. Like the fox, I’ve gone over my path and revisited to make sure I have not left any leaves unturned. As far as my program is concerned, I re-read my letter of intent (which felt kinda meh) and post review had thoughts of “I wanted to do what?!” and “what was I sinking?!” I no longer value the career goals I set for myself then, nor do I see the the direction I was headed in as important as I once believed.
I am no longer in that mind set and it took the first four semesters to unlearn what I thought I knew. What I have learned is I really don’t know much after all. I worked in policy development and was engaged as a board member for a national non-profit organization in Indian education legislative advocacy. While working for a federal contractor I had also become nuanced in a professional world. I had goals for executive management and planned to return back to the city. 4.5 years later, my goals, spiritual grounding, personal aspirations, friendships, relationships, parenting, and life ways have changed.
Professionally I’m no longer where I was then and have matured in another way that I had only heard stories about. I see there really is no need to be validated in any of those realms I had created. My purpose as a doctoral student is to finish this degree but without all the rocks I had been carrying. In addition, to be the kind of mother that my children can be proud of. As a mother they inspire me to be who they need me to be. They are indeed worth every struggle I have ever endured as a single parent, despite their biological other’s convenient parenting and with scheduled visitations, I work to raise socially conscious children.
I truly give all props to both of our extended families, but also the work we have put in with the daily struggles.