In the world of conscious and daily living, I have learned balance is integral and that equilibrium is necessary in order to move forward. Not only that, I have come to the realization, without dwelling on subjects or unfinished projects, when peacefully allowing life to flow, one is more apt to live a liberated life.
At best this blog thoughts out loud is not education related, more so, a self reflecting look within as I move forward into the phase of my life. As I make conscious decisions to be involved in community activism, I’ve had some pretty awesome life learning experiences that have been teaching me how to be more patient with my self. As I trek through life, my journey has indeed been a blessing. In that awareness, I have found I have some incomplete projects to finish and been revisiting unresolved emotions. Within the last year, I had a couple events occur that need to be cleared and emotions to be resolved in order for me to move forward. I have unfinished stories, unfinished beadwork, and a painting that I stopped working on half way through and/or partially started. As I look introspectively, I realize, I had started these projects to help myself, however, I was a girl interrupted. While reflecting, I believed the creativity would help channel what I wanted to work on, yet those projects were not completed. In this process, I found buried emotions, layered upon other emotions problematic because I had not addressed them before. Today I know different and it is not as painful as I once believed. I actually feel lighter and grieving has been an eye opener.
I’m going back over and revisiting, but also looking to finish projects and move on. A year ago today I started beading and writing projects that… well, I’ve been saving these gems for several months (one of them a good year) and I look at them as a “someday” relic of a past I once knew. I’m not so sure why either, but I did. At present, I understand that I have grieved enough and been peeling back these layers, very much like a ripe, raw onion. Emptying my mind and clearing the cobwebs this has been needed and overdue.
“Waiting patiently doesn’t suit you. I can see you have a great deal of water in your personality. Water never waits. It changes shape and flows around things, and finds the secret paths no one else has thought about.”
Mameha ― Memoirs of a Geisha
With as much as objectivity and introspection as possible, I am making a conscious effort to finish what I once started, but also to be more diligent and forgiving of myself. I started these projects with the intention of allowing some creativity to flow, but also to heal. I can not heal what I won’t embrace or acknowledge and things I’m unwilling to admit. As a result, it’s time to embrace it all… it is time to “be water.”